Creating Inclusion: Someone actively worked to include you or others who might otherwise have been marginalized

A persuasive and inspiring essay for successful admission to Harvard - Ievgen Sykalo 2026

Creating Inclusion: Someone actively worked to include you or others who might otherwise have been marginalized

entry

Entry — Foundational Frame

Inclusion as Active Space-Making

Core Claim This essay redefines inclusion not as passive tolerance but as active, intentional space-making, transforming the recipient of kindness into an agent of community building.
Entry Points
  • Sensory Experience: The "itchy band uniform" and "sun slanting just wrong" establish the narrator's autistic sensory processing, framing their initial isolation as a physical and social discomfort, immediately grounding the abstract concept of exclusion in a visceral, personal reality.
  • The Silence: The "silence" of peers during water breaks highlights the specific form of exclusion experienced—not overt bullying but a lack of recognition—underscoring the narrator's feeling of invisibility and irrelevance.
  • Mia's Intervention: Mia's direct, non-performative question, "You good?", marks the turning point, signaling genuine concern and a willingness to engage beyond superficial social norms, breaking the narrator's isolation.
  • The Mouthpiece: Mia handing over her mouthpiece is a concrete act of solidarity and trust, immediately bridging the gap of isolation and offering a tangible solution, demonstrating practical empathy.
Think About It How does the essay's opening scene—the "itchy band uniform" and the "silence"—establish the narrator's internal state before any external action occurs, setting the stage for their journey?
Thesis Scaffold Mia's deliberate acts of inclusion, such as offering her mouthpiece and calling out snide remarks, demonstrate how intentional space-making transforms the narrator's experience of belonging and inspires their own leadership.
psyche

Psyche — Character Interiority

The Narrator's Arc: From Unseen to Unifier

Core Claim The narrator's journey from internalizing social exclusion to actively creating inclusive spaces reveals the transformative power of being genuinely "seen" and validated, shifting their psychological landscape.
Character System — The Narrator
Desire To belong, to be seen and understood as they are, not merely tolerated or overlooked.
Fear Of invisibility, irrelevance, and being perceived as "awkward or aloof" due to their autism, leading to social paralysis.
Self-Image Initially, "invisible or just... irrelevant"; later, an empowered "Edgewalker" leader who actively creates community.
Contradiction Desires deep connection but struggles with conventional social cues; initially passive in their isolation, they become an active agent of change.
Function in text Embodies the experience of neurodivergent individuals seeking belonging and demonstrates the ripple effect of intentional, empathetic inclusion.
Mia's Psychological Mechanisms
  • Unconventional Empathy: Mia's "strange intensity" and "not performatively" approach to "You good?" suggests an empathy rooted in keen observation rather than social script, cutting through the narrator's masking to address their actual, unarticulated state.
  • Normalizing Difference: Her declaration, "No big. We’re all freaks here anyway", immediately reframes the narrator's perceived otherness as a shared human condition, dismantling the hierarchy of "normal" and "abnormal" within the group, fostering immediate acceptance.
  • Quiet Authority: Mia's "quiet, steel-eyed certainty" in confronting snide remarks establishes a clear boundary for acceptable behavior, protecting the vulnerable without resorting to drama, modeling effective and understated leadership.
Think About It How does Mia's seemingly casual statement, "We’re all freaks here anyway", function as a psychological turning point for the narrator, shifting their self-perception from isolated outsider to a member of a shared, albeit unconventional, community?
Thesis Scaffold Mia's capacity to perceive and validate the narrator's unarticulated needs, exemplified by her direct questions and boundary-setting, functions as a catalyst for the narrator's psychological shift from isolation to empowered agency.
ideas

Ideas — Philosophical Argument

The Granular Ethics of Belonging

Core Claim The essay argues that true inclusion is a deliberate, often inconvenient, act of "space-making" that challenges passive tolerance and demands active participation from both the incluser and the included.
Ideas in Tension
  • Tolerance vs. Inclusion: The essay contrasts "people just tolerate your presence" with being "noticed, expected, even missed", a distinction highlighting the difference between passive acceptance and active, reciprocal belonging.
  • Accidental vs. Intentional: The narrator emphasizes being "included intentionally—not accidentally, not because someone forgot to exclude you", underscoring the conscious effort required to dismantle systemic exclusion and create genuine connection.
  • Noble Gesture vs. Granular Practice: The text challenges the romanticized view of inclusion as a "noble, banner-waving thing," instead presenting it as "granular. Messy. Sometimes boring. Sometimes inconvenient", demystifying the process and emphasizing its practical, everyday demands.
In The Human Condition (1958), Hannah Arendt distinguishes between "labor," "work," and "action," where genuine "action" involves initiating new processes and creating public space for others, a concept similar to Mia's and the narrator's deliberate acts of inclusion.
Think About It If inclusion is "granular. Messy. Sometimes boring. Sometimes inconvenient", what specific textual examples demonstrate the narrator's willingness to embrace these less glamorous aspects of the practice, and what does this reveal about their commitment?
Thesis Scaffold The essay reframes inclusion as an active, often challenging, process of "space-making" rather than passive tolerance, a concept demonstrated through Mia's deliberate interventions and the narrator's subsequent efforts to "leave the door open."
craft

Craft — Motif Development

The Evolution of "Making Space"

Core Claim The recurring motif of "making space" evolves from a literal act of social accommodation to a metaphorical framework for self-acceptance and community building, tracing the narrator's growth.
Five Stages of the Motif
  • First Appearance: Mia "made space—real space—for me", establishing the concept as a tangible, felt experience of belonging, directly countering the narrator's prior invisibility.
  • Moment of Charge: The "invisible map that says: 'Yes, you belong. And here’s how to find the others who do too'" transforms "space" into a guide for agency, empowering the narrator to replicate the inclusive behavior, providing a blueprint for action.
  • Multiple Meanings: The narrator's efforts to "leave the door open and make sure they saw it" expands "space-making" to include both opportunity and active invitation, acknowledging the need to overcome barriers to entry for others.
  • Internalization and Expansion: The essay does not present a destruction of the motif, but rather its internalization and expansion, as the narrator moves from being a recipient to an initiator of space, demonstrating profound personal growth.
  • Final Status: "Giving people the chance to own a corner of the world they were told wasn’t built for them" culminates the motif, defining inclusion as empowerment and self-determination within a shared, created space, rather than mere acceptance.
Comparable Examples
  • The Scarlet Letter — The Scarlet Letter (Nathaniel Hawthorne, 1850): A mark of public shame that Hester Prynne reclaims and transforms into a symbol of strength and empathy, mirroring the narrator's journey of owning their difference and using it to connect.
  • The "Still, Small Voice" — 1 Kings (King James Version, c. 1611): A subtle, internal divine presence that requires quiet attention, much like the narrator's initial quiet observation of exclusion and Mia's understated, yet impactful, interventions.
  • The Green Light — The Great Gatsby (F. Scott Fitzgerald, 1925): A distant, unattainable symbol of desire that ultimately proves illusory, contrasting with the essay's tangible, actionable "space" that leads to real connection.
Think About It If the motif of "making space" were removed, would the essay merely lose a repeated phrase, or would its central argument about the active nature of inclusion fundamentally collapse?
Thesis Scaffold The essay's central motif of "making space" develops from a personal experience of being "folded in" by a mentor to a guiding principle for the narrator's own leadership, culminating in the creation of a community for "Edgewalkers."
essay

Essay — Rhetorical Strategy

Personal Narrative as Persuasive Argument

Core Claim The essay's persuasive power stems from its strategic use of personal narrative to illustrate abstract concepts of inclusion, moving from individual experience to universal principle with compelling authenticity.
Three Levels of Thesis
  • Descriptive (weak): This essay describes how Mia helped the narrator feel included in marching band and how the narrator then helped others.
  • Analytical (stronger): Through the specific example of Mia's mentorship, the essay demonstrates how intentional acts of inclusion can transform an individual's sense of belonging and agency, creating a ripple effect.
  • Counterintuitive (strongest): By presenting inclusion as "granular. Messy. Sometimes boring. Sometimes inconvenient", the essay challenges conventional, idealized notions of community-building, arguing instead for its demanding, yet profoundly transformative, practical application.
  • The fatal mistake: Students often write about "the importance of inclusion" without grounding it in specific, messy, and personal examples, resulting in generic claims that lack persuasive force and fail to demonstrate genuine insight.
Think About It How does the essay's shift from the personal anecdote of Mia to the narrator's own leadership in "Edgewalkers" strengthen its argument about the replicable and systemic nature of inclusion, rather than just a singular act of kindness?
Model Thesis By meticulously detailing Mia's "small, deliberate things" and the narrator's subsequent efforts to "leave the door open", the essay argues that authentic inclusion is a demanding, intentional practice that fundamentally reshapes both individual identity and community structure.
now

Now — Contemporary Relevance

Algorithmic Inclusion in 2025

Core Claim The essay's exploration of intentional inclusion directly parallels the contemporary challenge of designing digital and institutional user integration systems that genuinely integrate diverse users rather than merely tolerating their presence.
2025 Structural Parallel The essay's depiction of Mia's "space-making" offers a parallel to the design logic of inclusive user integration algorithms in 2025, which aim to proactively identify and address barriers for new users from marginalized groups, ensuring their active participation rather than passive presence.
Actualization
  • Eternal Pattern: The fundamental human need to belong and the pain of invisibility remain constant, as digital spaces can amplify both connection and exclusion, making intentional design critical for well-being.
  • Technology as New Scenery: The "silence" of the band field finds its echo in the silent, unacknowledged presence of users in large online communities, as algorithmic feeds often prioritize engagement metrics over genuine social integration.
  • Where the Past Sees More Clearly: The essay's emphasis on "granular" and "messy" inclusion offers a corrective to the often-impersonal and automated nature of digital integration, reminding us that human connection requires deliberate, often inconvenient, effort.
  • The Forecast That Came True: The narrator's creation of "Edgewalkers" anticipates the rise of niche online communities specifically designed to foster belonging for those who "don’t quite fit" into mainstream platforms, demonstrating the enduring need for self-selected, intentional spaces.
Narrator's Developmental Coordinates September, Freshman Year: Narrator experiences profound isolation in marching band, feeling "invisible or just... irrelevant", marking the initial state of exclusion and internal struggle. Mia's Intervention: Mia's specific acts—offering a mouthpiece, normalizing "freaks," confronting snide remarks—occur, initiating the narrator's shift from passive recipient to active observer of inclusion. Narrator's Own Efforts: The narrator begins to "ask other students if they wanted to partner up" and notices "who else hung around the edges", demonstrating the internalization and replication of Mia's model. Current Year (Senior Year): Narrator leads "Edgewalkers" club, embodying the full arc of their journey from excluded individual to community builder, showing the culmination of their learned principles and leadership.
Think About It How does the essay's distinction between "tolerating" and "making space" illuminate the design challenges faced by contemporary social platforms aiming for genuine user integration rather than just maximizing passive engagement?
Thesis Scaffold The essay's narrative of intentional inclusion provides a critical framework for understanding the design principles of 2025's inclusive user integration algorithms, demonstrating how proactive "space-making" can foster belonging in complex digital environments.


S.Y.A.
Written by
S.Y.A.

Literature educator and essay writing specialist. Over 20 years of experience creating educational content for students and teachers.